Women's Personal Ads Deciphered

• 40-ish...Really means...48
• Athletic...Really means...Flat-chested.
• Average looking...Really means...Ugly.
• Beautiful...Really means...Pathological liar.
• Educated...Really means...College dropout.
• Emotionally Secure...Really means...Medicated.
• Feminist...Really means...Fat; ball buster.
• Free spirit...Really means...Drug user.
• Friendship first...Really means...Trying to live down reputation as sl*t.
• Fun...Really means...Annoying.
• Good Listener...Really means...Borderline Autistic.
• New-Age...Really means...All body hair, all the time.
• Old-fashioned...Really means...Lights out, missionary position only.
• Open-minded...Really means...Desperate.
• Outgoing...Really means...Loud.
• Poet...Really means...Depressive Schizophrenic.
• Professional...Really means...Real Witch.
• Redhead...Really means...Shops the Clairol section.
• Reubenesque...Really means...Grossly Fat.
• Romantic...Really means...Looks better by candle light.
• Weight proportional to height...Really means...Hugely Fat.
• Wants Soulmate...Really means...One step away from stalking.
• Widow...Really means...Nagged first husband to death.

And as an extra bonus….
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on there they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.