A young lady, country bred, but easily tamed and civilized, would like to correspond with a city gentleman, with a view to matrimony. It is necessary for him to be wealthy, and not less than forty years of age, as she would "rather be an old man's darling than a young man's slave." The advertiser is 21, and presumes her manners and appearance will recommend her to tastes not overly fastidious; also a lady of position, and will expect replies from responsible parties only; therefore, triflers, take heed. Address Matilda, station D, Post office.
For more click here.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A dating profile username is basically the same as a product brand name. Dating profiles should be enticing, making people want to click through and find out more about you but some usernames can have the opposite effect.
Would you buy a chocolate bar called ‘vomit’ or a car called ‘breaksdownalot’? I doubt it, so why would anyone think people would be attracted by these real dating profile usernames:
1. Neverfaithful – well you get 10 out of 10 for honesty but I bet you don’t get many dates.
2. ManiacKiller – hey let’s meet soon, somewhere dark and devoid of witnesses!!
3. Boredofdating – well if you are bored of dating then why are you on a dating site? That just screams I want a husband and I want one now.
4. I’mboring – not going to want to read the rest of your profile then am I?
5. Falsetits44 – you have to be kidding me, you want to advertise that you are 44 and just had a boob job?
6. Princesstopamper – that just screams you are going to be high maintenance and hard work.
7. Stretchmarks – okay so you have had babies and now have stretchmarks but do you think that is the first thing you should tell some about you?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
10) Feel free to interact with me. All my shots are current!
9) You must be over 5’10” to read this profile.
8) I bathe every day!
7) Is this thing like eBay?
6) Shopping for Guys – And They Said There Was No Such Store!
5) Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until they speak?
4) I'm like poop. The older I get the easier I am to pick up!
3) Coffee, Chocolate, and Men - some things are just better rich.
2) I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.
and the number one funniest profile header....
1) Willing to lie about how we met!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Blah blah, whatever. Indifferent woman. Go ahead and write. Box no. 3253. Like I care.
Your stars for today: A pretty Cancerian, 35, will cook you a lovely meal, caress your hair softly, then squeeze every damn penny from your adulterous bank account before slashing the tyres of your Beamer. Let that serve as a warning. Now then, risotto?
Attention male London Review of Books readers: 'Greetings, earthling -- I have come to infest your puny body with legions of my spawn' is no way to begin a reply. Female, 36 -- suspicious of any men declaring themselves to be in possession of a 'great sense of humor.'
I'm just a girl who can't say 'no' (or 'anaesthetist'). Lisping Rodgers and Hammerstein fan, female lecturer in politics (37) WLTM man to 40 for thome enthanted eveningth.
Love is strange -- wait 'til you see my feet. F, 34, wide-fitting Scholl's.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
I like driving around with my two cats, especially on the freeway. I make them wear little hats so that I can use the carpool lane. Way too much time on your hands too? Call me. SWF, 42, 5'10", brown/blue.
SWF, 27, obnoxious, silly, pierced, tattooed, insane, hormonally unbalanced, rollerblading, sushi-eating, cartoon-watching redhead from Hell, seeks Vlad. My neck is all yours. BITE ME.
Don't call me if you are uneducated; unemployed; unhealthy smoker; felon; under 30 years old, 5'10"; over 40 years old, 6'8", 230 pounds; like cats, channel surfing; make less than $30,000 annually; or have body parts pierced. Others feel free.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Hello hello hello. I am young and noninhibited. I look sort of like the devil. Blonde and luxurious, with thighs look like toothpick. My interests include motorcycle. Are you the right man for me?
Do you enjoy dressing up in police costume? Are you close to my age and live nearby? Do you LOVE to get messages on your back and shoulder after a hard day at work? Please write back to me. My ideal date is somewhere long ago. Castles! and princesses!!!! If you want a real princess, send me an email!
If you send me a picture of your penis then I will erase right nowand vomit. No please!!!!! Also, if you cannt rate yourself at least 85/100 in terms of how you rate yourself, don’t answer.
I am looking for education and jokes.TALL not fat. Not skinny ears.
Please do not disappoint. I want to fall in love by this beatiful ocean. Please love dog cat racoon iguana hamster& gerbil because I have several.
This is Ulysses S Grant. Please love greal heros of this great country, and of my country too!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
This is bad: I'm 25 and divorced twice (technically once, the second marriage was annulled) But this is good: You can ask my friends and familoy, neither of these break ups were my fault. I have no children and I've been through a hell of alot more than most my age, which has made me into the good and caring person I am today.
This is bad: I have major abandonment issues. Therefore, if my man starts acting cold or doesn't call me when he promised he would, I will be paranoid and wonder if it's becuase he doesn't like me anymore. At least for the first few months. This is good: When I do finally reach the point where I stop being afraid, I can be a girlfriend from the gods. I love doing wonderful little surprises and making my man smile.
This is bad: I will get moody and jealous if your ex girlfriend calls you. This is good: I will always give the same faithfulness and trustworthyness to my man that I expect from him. A relationship is NOTHING without trust.
This is bad: I will give my man the silent treatment if I'm angry with him. This is good: I will never yell at my man in public or put on an episode of Jerry Springer at his work becuase I'm upset with him.
This is bad: I don't really feel like this is my life. It's not the story I was supposed to have, the one that's in my heart. This is good: I'm not so damaged that I'm not willing to keep trying.
This is bad: I'm not really looking for a serious relationship. Just a "we will see" friend. This is good: I'm not really looking for a serious relationship. Just a "we will see" friend.
This is bad: This posting may have made me out to be a real psychotic bitch. This is good: At least I will never have to hide who I am or my insecurities. That would be nice for a change.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
My name is Liz. I run away from my problems.I eat my feelings, luckily my emotions always taste good. I stray far from home; I keep a wardrobe in my car.I refuse to wear pants, skirts, or shorts. I stick to leggings.I'm extremely flexible. I wish I was a contortionist. But, I'm too much of a chub for that. I'm happy with my size, because it is paired with a great pair of knockers.I went to culinary school, but now I'd like to own a sex shop.I'll never return phone calls. I hate the phone that much.I have a hard time writing people back on here. As a vegetarian, I'm gassy. Be prepared.I am not a member of PETA.I generally will only rent from Family Video: Tarantino, porn, or children's movies.I do not have kids. I support pro-choice.Now, with that said. I like music a lot. Mostly I enjoy metal, but I also listen to alternative and classic rock.I love to read Burgess, Burroughs, and Orwell. I will never put down a good book, I finish it even if it takes me through hours of reading.Movies you say? Directors, I say. Tarantino, Miike, Kubrick, Cronenberg,and Rodriguez