Fellow Daters

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Calling All Losers

Are you a loser, aged 37-50? Are you a lonely, pathetic schlub who can't get any closer to a woman than a 900 number? Do you despair of having a woman speak to you respectfully, let alone date you or touch you? Well, sugar, it's your lucky night. Because a respectable, clean, intelligent, independent, witty, financially secure woman who is fed up with trying to get the attention of respectable, clean, intelligent, independent, witty, financially secure men will seriously consider your offer. Pretty boys, frat brats, software millionaires, endlessly self-promoting Micronerds, salsa-dancing midlife-crisis-clinic navel-gazers, self-obsessed Mountaineers, Dockers-clad Boeing bores, aging hipsters who masturbate to their own blogs...step off, back of the yellow line! Make way for the humble, the beer-gutted, the morbidly obese, the mulleted, the untouchable, the harijans, the rejected! You are my kind of men; you, the repulsive, the socially retarded, are my brothers from another mother.

Don't tell Suze Orman, but this 38-year-old fat chick is putting herself on sale. That's right! In this special offer, I'm lowering my standards to the floor. Apparently, because I'm fat (see picture below), I'm not worth even a polite response from men, let alone a date. I've tried and TRIED to get the attention of men who are my social peers, men I know from work, men I see at church, men with whom I attended school. No dice! Silly moi, thinking I'm good enough for the men I'm surrounded by every day -- when in fact, they deserve lingerie models or mail-order brides who are half their ages. Hey, I just got rejected (by non-response followed by avoidance, no less) by a fat, clumsy slob who comes to work looking like he sleeps in his clothes...but I guess because he's got a job, he's out of my league, and deserves his very own Victoria's Secret catalog model. Oh, the poor thing, having the office fat chick e-mail him! How perfectly dreadful! He must have been so embarrassed.

So I'm moving on...down. Bitter, party of one, your table is SERIOUSLY ready. Nice guys, guys without criminal records, guys without drug habits, guys who read, guys who don't live with their mothers -- yes, all TOO GOOD for me! Come and get it, all ye desperate and lonely, ye self-destructive and miserable, ye of rock-bottom self-esteem. My only criteria:

You bathe
You express yourself well, in English.
You don't have kids
You're aged 37-50
You live in Washington State

That's it! Come to mama, all ye who can't get a date, all ye who would settle for a relationship with any woman who isn't incarcerated, all ye who would be so grateful for some female companionship that you're willing to overlook the fact that your partner weighs 190 lbs. Tell me why women won't even treat you like a human being with feelings. Really, I want to read this. Because I know what it's like. I know what it's like to be a vibrant, vivid, engaging, intelligent person who gets treated like a f*cking piece of vermin-infested furniture because she's overweight.

Monday, May 25, 2009

A Nerd's Wet Dream


About to go to sleep soon. I just want to lay back with a cold beer (what's your fav.) and hang out.Well I'm a part time Hooters girl who is in love with star wars. Surprising eh? Growing up with mostly guys in the house, Star Wars was all around me haha. So as you guess I am wanting guy who has equal love for star wars (okay you don't need to love it) and doesn't mind that I am Hooters girl. In addition, you should have to have stable job and don't mind going for walks and you know, the normal stuff :)So don't be a stranger, hope to hear from you soon

I Guess it's Never Been Done

wanna hang out? - 217 (where you want to be)

WE want someone to pay for dinner, a movie, and alcohol. We promise not to sleep with you, but we will be tons of fun - we can promise you that. If you are looking for a good time and some laughs and in general having everyone envy because you have good looking women with you - please contact us immediately. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Sugarbaby Searching ....

LOCATION: Newport News

Intelligent, attractive , divorced woman seeking sugardaddy ages 40 and above only please. Non smoker, discreet and d/d free. Must be financially independent and stable . Flexible schedule given in exchange for weekly allowance. Must love to dine out or stay in..enjoy pampering and .not mind shopping or giving assistance. Most of all, must be HONEST, affectionate and fun-loving. Open mind with big heart a plus. I have many things to offer the right person emotionally and physically. Just looking to enjoy the summer and get to where I need to be........NO GAMES, LIARS OR CONS. Must email me with picture and info on job, location to newport news and age. Tell me what you're looking for. I will not respond to emails that do not have required info. In return I will respond to those that are serious with more info and a picture. Must be willing to meet soon as I don't have time or patience for lengthy emails....NO cat and mouse. .....I am affectionate and kindhearted with a huge love of people in general. I love to laugh and I've had enough drama so please leave any that you might have at the door. Tired of the BS, The games and the players. Do not mistake nice for stupidity please. I am a woman who has goals and know what she wants. Please be the same in return. Seeking business arrangement agreeable to us both but at the same time. I hope to make a new friend a long the way. Have a great day! Hope to hear from you soon.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Here's to Working It

LOCATION: Virginia Beach

Do you find a womans body sexy during pregnancy?? I am a young pregnant woman looking for something. I am not entirely sure what I am looking for. Maybe a long term love connection. Maybe a sugar daddy. Or maybe even just someone to spend time with and enjoy the fun Va Beach can offer in the summer!! Tell me what you are looking for and tell me what it is you love about a pregnant woman.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

That's a New Spin

A Decent Proposal

I want to find a man who is cute, and fun/ny, and non sexual predator to lay on the beach with me. This would be to discourage predators who lurk on the beach. I just want to get sun and not be sexually harassed. You will probably be asking by now, what's in this for me. Well, you can also work on your tan, and will be able to attract the attention of women better. We know there are women who love the challenge of taking another's man, they will give you attention you'd NEVER get on your own, or when hanging with the guys. Best of all, I just want a tan, am cute, non-jealous(will pretend to be in order to increase you chances with trampy women), am great with improv, and will go along with any premeditated bullshit stories you may tell. So if you are some where around 20's 30's, youthful, cute, not married/attached, reasonably sane, fun, and think this sounds appealing, let me know. Am flexible about location.