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Fellow Daters

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Women's Personal Ads Deciphered

  • 40-ish...Really means...48
  • Athletic...Really means...Flat-chested.
  • Average looking...Really means...Ugly.
  • Beautiful...Really means...Pathological liar.
  • Educated...Really means...College dropout.
  • Emotionally Secure...Really means...Medicated.
  • Feminist...Really means...Fat; ball buster.
  • Free spirit...Really means...Drug user.
  • Friendship first...Really means...Trying to live down reputation as sl*t.
  • Fun...Really means...Annoying.
  • Good Listener...Really means...Borderline Autistic.
  • New-Age...Really means...All body hair, all the time.
  • Old-fashioned...Really means...Lights out, missionary position only.
  • Open-minded...Really means...Desperate.
  • Outgoing...Really means...Loud.
  • Poet...Really means...Depressive Schizophrenic.
  • Professional...Really means...Real Witch.
  • Redhead...Really means...Shops the Clairol section.
  • Reubenesque...Really means...Grossly Fat.
  • Romantic...Really means...Looks better by candle light.
  • Weight proportional to height...Really means...Hugely Fat.
  • Wants Soulmate...Really means...One step away from stalking.
  • Widow...Really means...Nagged first husband to death.

And as an extra bonus….
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on there they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

1 People said what they thought:

Beth said...

LOL!