Fellow Daters

Friday, August 14, 2009

Please rate your damage on a scale of one to ten

LOCATION: San Francisco

Got a number? Good. See below for scoring, etc:

Damage Rating 1-3: You either haven't met the right girl or you have a good therapist. You're too healthy for me. Sorry, and best of luck.

Damage Rating 4-5: You're on the right track, but honestly, I bet you're too young for me. Write me in a few years.

Damage Rating 6-7: Hold on, I have to get rid of these other guys first.

Damage Rating 8-10: Sorry, you're too fucked up, even for me. Ok, if you're in the damage rating are of a 6-7 we may have some damage in common.

First, please send me an email about the girl who damaged you. It's important that I know about my "competition" even though it's obviously over and you'll never get her back and I'm (sadly) your best hope right now.

Here are some things you should know about me: Yes, I will probably damage you too because.......well, because it's what I do. And, unlike Amy Winehouse, I won't tell you I'm bad....because I'm not (really). I have no tattoos or super kinky sexual fetishes; I have a job in the financial district and I sit next to you on Muni and you wonder what the hell a girl like me has on her ipod?

I am (told) I am cute and a have a "girl next door" vibe and I'm sweet and your mom will like me. That alone shoud have you worried. I have a four legged companion and it is important that you realize early on that HE will always be first in my heart. Always. Interests include food, music, art, travel, reading, hiking, . Ideally, you are 35-43 and live in the city.

So, to repeat, please send email about your damage and the bitch responsible, please include relevant stats: (age, occupation, city of residence, etc), a recent pic or two and why you hate looking for love.

1 People said what they thought:

Beth said...

Really...what's up with bringing up the ex who damaged him? Ex talk is a no-no at the very beginning!