Engrish is my language of love

Hello hello hello. I am young and noninhibited. I look sort of like the devil. Blonde and luxurious, with thighs look like toothpick. My interests include motorcycle. Are you the right man for me?
Do you enjoy dressing up in police costume? Are you close to my age and live nearby? Do you LOVE to get messages on your back and shoulder after a hard day at work? Please write back to me. My ideal date is somewhere long ago. Castles! and princesses!!!! If you want a real princess, send me an email!

If you send me a picture of your penis then I will erase right nowand vomit. No please!!!!! Also, if you cannt rate yourself at least 85/100 in terms of how you rate yourself, don’t answer.
I am looking for education and jokes.TALL not fat. Not skinny ears.

Please do not disappoint. I want to fall in love by this beatiful ocean. Please love dog cat racoon iguana hamster& gerbil because I have several.

This is Ulysses S Grant. Please love greal heros of this great country, and of my country too!

Noodles!!

Picture iMpefect

Aren't you suppose to save that face until after you get married.

Isn't there like a age minimum?

Due to the IV bagin the background I take it you'll be free soon.

It's not easy being green.

Feeling a little blue today?

Services Wanted

((Not truly a dating request, but too funny to pass up. Also not the picture.))

I bought this IKEA table and i can’t assemble it. Come over and put it together for me and I’ll masturbate while you do it. With a dildo. And I will serve you unlimited iced tea. I’m 37 and not amazing looking but totally serviceable.

The Good, the Bad, and the Crazy

This is bad: I'm 25 and divorced twice (technically once, the second marriage was annulled) But this is good: You can ask my friends and familoy, neither of these break ups were my fault. I have no children and I've been through a hell of alot more than most my age, which has made me into the good and caring person I am today.

This is bad: I have major abandonment issues. Therefore, if my man starts acting cold or doesn't call me when he promised he would, I will be paranoid and wonder if it's becuase he doesn't like me anymore. At least for the first few months. This is good: When I do finally reach the point where I stop being afraid, I can be a girlfriend from the gods. I love doing wonderful little surprises and making my man smile.

This is bad: I will get moody and jealous if your ex girlfriend calls you. This is good: I will always give the same faithfulness and trustworthyness to my man that I expect from him. A relationship is NOTHING without trust.

This is bad: I will give my man the silent treatment if I'm angry with him. This is good: I will never yell at my man in public or put on an episode of Jerry Springer at his work becuase I'm upset with him.

This is bad: I don't really feel like this is my life. It's not the story I was supposed to have, the one that's in my heart. This is good: I'm not so damaged that I'm not willing to keep trying.

This is bad: I'm not really looking for a serious relationship. Just a "we will see" friend. This is good: I'm not really looking for a serious relationship. Just a "we will see" friend.

This is bad: This posting may have made me out to be a real psychotic bitch. This is good: At least I will never have to hide who I am or my insecurities. That would be nice for a change.

Picture iMperfect

The kitchen floor isn't the sexiest place in the house.

I guess this is what you do when you don't know how to date label your picture.

While Gucci shoes might swoon the women, they do nothing for the guys.

Stating you're an ex lingerie model is probably not going to get you the attention you want.

Your mastery of Photoshop makes me hot.

Say What?

hey, whats good? am a young atrractive lady, who is very down to earth, loving and caring person who thinks that loyalty and honesty r important things in everyday life.people has let me down too many times in realationships so am not lookin pro`s of playin girls around. yea am seeking sum of that thug passion too, wit a little spark in d eye. looking for a independent man, who can hold it down for me. and doesent be afraid to take jump offs too.if u are looking for a lady who is down to ride for better or for worse am the one u r looking for. the reason why i dont have pic at my profile is that am a bit camera shy, but i dont favor a cookie monster well if u think u r the man am looking for hit me up with a line,am all ears. p.s. u must b also very sexual person,cos i like to spend much time under covers(though,first i have to find the right person),and am good at what am doing so prepare. so drop me a line and get to meet me in person ha,ha. well , till then`arivederdci! yours truly. ND GUYS: AM MORE THAN A DIME,BUT HARD TO HANDLE, IF U THINK U CAN ,HOLLA AT YA GIRL! PEACE ND LUV

Picture iMperfect

It's a bit forward, but does up the ante.

And this is a good thing why?

I have a husband, son, and now I just need something on the side.

Don't go artistic. It's just plain weird.

That's right. Show how happy you are with dating.