Photoshop Challenged

I guess cropping is out of the picture.

Love & Texting

hello again, well am single mum of 2, thts jst lookin for gen guys 2 hav a chat n get 2 no, bn on ere a year n oh boy wot a laff, am a thin attractive gen lass with a good sense of humor, am a busy mum bt do lyk 2 let my hair down 2 with girls bn single 4 years had a few triels,lol, bt no wot am lookin for, maybe as a like single life 2 much who no's, no pervs please sick of sayin dnt do tht kinda chat guys, x

Not Asking for Much

I am a single, free-spirted, web-savvy thirtysomething female. Living in the gorgeous Caroll Gardens for the past year, I love life and am only looking for a man who is not an idiotic pig-headed beer-swilling moron (which seems to be hard to find in this city). This is my final plea to the Craigslist community. I own my own internet business which means I don't get to leave the house much, but I do know the internet and its dating potential. So far it has let me down every single time. I've done MySpace, Facebook, Match.Com, eHarmony, and even Jdate (I'm not Jewish and don't care about Israel). Don't get me started on Jdate. But with so many people out there, at least ONE guy can match this. I know he's out there. My standards are exacting, but they're not too much to ask. Life is too short to compromise yourself! Here is what I am looking for. It's not much. If you're this guy or know this guy, have him contact me right away.

-non smoker
-must love cats and be open to the idea of future adoptions
-must not be more than one to five stops away from Carroll Gardens F train in either direction
-must not be opposed to wicker furniture
-must be 420 friendly
-must clean up hair from the tub after a trim, a ring of hair around the edge is GROSS
-past bar tending/table-serving experience a plus but not necessary
-some knowledge of vintage wine
-must be fluent in 2 languages (English DOES NOT count); I still like to practice my French from study abroad
-toilet paper must go over, NEVER under, when placed in dispenser
-PUT the lid DOWN. Animals have better manners than most men
-no stockbrokers, unemployed musicians, actors, or baristas
-no ravers, goths, punks, or rude boys
-musical taste must include, but not be limited to, Kingston Trip, Buffy Sainte-Marie, and Judy Collins
-name must not begin with an R, a J, or a B (Js are negotiable; Rs are not. Bs should consider that if they treat a cat nicely, it will respond accordingly; but if you scare it by approaching too fast, of course it will attack)
-must like scented candles (not vanilla); no incense
-must be willing to pay for dinner at least once a week at a Zagat-rated restaurant after proper research and scouting of restaurant
-must own more than 3 items from ?The North Face? jacket line but no more than 5
-owning a car is a plus, but it can't be a hatchback (some standards)
-I ski one weekend a year, so you ski. No shredders.
-must love Gary Larson, and hate Dilbert
-passionate about animal rights, but willing to take in the circus when it comes to town
-must read at least 3 books a month, no comics unless Gary Larson
-must have read complete works of Jane Austen
-must know how to turn a Word document into a PDF
-must be on T-Mobile for Fave 5 access-must love pinball and not play ping pong
-3 out of your 5 favorite movies should be John Hughes films
-must agree to watch "The Hills" on MTV on Sundays but hate that bitch Heidi, she is everything wrong with womankind
-must know CPR and have current certification, ++ for SCUBA certification
-must be home from 2-6pm on Saturdays to receive packages; bonus points if you're an Ebay power seller too!
-NO FELONS!!!
-must have all limbs, no quads (not biased, just poor past experience)
-Ivy League education desirable, but Amherst, UPenn, Colgate, Vassar, Georgetown etc. acceptable
-must have Scrabulous installed on Facebook during work hours
-must prefer dark chocolate over milk; no omnivores
-must like North-Eastern microbrews, NO COLORADO, NO EXCEPTIONS
-no corduroy pants, jackets, shirts, socks, caps, etc. And while we're on the subject of hats, no hats at all. Having a hat as part of your job costume is not an excuse.I know the guy for me is out there.

I've come so close to finding him in perfect form so many times. If you are this know or know this guy, PLEASE contact me. I am willing to make a few sacrifices, but not many. If you see yourself in even a FEW of my specifications, you are invited to apply. Think of it more like a guidebook to my heart. ~M

Hunter Partnership

"SWF seeks SWM who enjoys farming, zoo keeping and serious preparation for zombie invasion for friendship, LTR and possible marriage.

Must be willing to wear a kilt and own his own broadsword.

Must be down to earth kind of guy, no prior convictions, not subject to any criminal investigations. I will look you up on the state access database so don't bother lying about it. Am D/D free, you be too Must hold liberal political views, while still supporting gun ownership, hunting and private land rights.

No racists, homophobes, or fundamentalists. No Jehova Witnesses or Mormons.

Must love dogs and be approved by my dogs. Must be able to ride a horse and allow me to spend large amounts of time with my animals without complaint. Must take me fishing and buy me a pint now and then. You can go out with your buddies too, I am not the jealous sort. But, you better be home each night in case the zombie invasion begins.

I am a strong, intelligent country woman who can drive anything, haul 10 gallons of water to animals at a time, butcher a deer and run a trot line. Country folk will survive.

Doormats needs love too

Do you have a drinking problem? Do you believe your crappy childhood exempts you from having to be nice to other people? Is "enraged" the only emotion you are capable of feeling? Do you make twice as much as me, yet still need to borrow money a week after you get paid? If so, I am the lady for you! I'm a queer femme who enjoys being yelled at, ignored, and told what is best for me. I'm short, thin (maybe that will trigger your teenage eating disorder issues! Feel free to blame me!), and smart (unless you find that threatening! In which case I am not as smart as you!). I do have clinical depression, which I manage with medication and, ideally, a steady supply of judgment from you.

I'm looking to continue along my current dating path with someone who is immature, unpleasant, and bad at listening.

Bonus points if you: -fetishize my mixed-race background, use it to impress your liberal white friends, and know exactly what "my people" are doing wrong -make "ironic" racist jokes -are a spoiled ass mama's boy -have no friends of your own, preferring to use me for all of your emotional needs (if you must have your own friends, I would rather you use them to cheat on me and/or commiserate about what a terrible girlfriend I am) -hate fat people (although I am not fat myself, I love it when people rip on my friends and expect me to agree because of my genetics) -understand that being an asshole and apologizing for it later is exactly the same as not being an asshole in the first place -use "non-normatively gendered" as a synonym for "teeming with internalized misogyny" Hopefully we can build a lasting relationship and maybe move in together so that you can decorate the apartment with old beer cans filled with cigarette butts and containers of half-eaten takeout food covered in fruit flies. Don't worry, I'll clean up after you.

I'd prefer if you are white and middle-class so you can lord it over me all the time. Physical age unimportant as long as you are emotionally 9 years old.

10 Commandments of Profile Photos

1) Thou shalt not post a photo taken more than 2 years or 20 lbs ago.

2) Thou shalt not post a photo of you with your arm draped around your ex.

3) Thou shalt not post a photo taken in a three-minute photo booth

4) Thou shalt not post a photo with someone’s face blacked out or someone’s body cut out of the picture.

5) Thou shalt not post a photo where you are not smiling.

6) Thou shalt not post a photo where all of your friends are more attractive than you.

7) Thou shalt not post a group photo where a casual viewer can’t figure out which person you are.

8) Thou shalt not post a photo taken by a webcam.

9) Thou shalt not post a photo that shows too much skin.

10) Thou shalt not post a photo of Angelina Jolie.

Picture iMperfect

Putting your best cheek forward.

I'm hoping that's a piercing and not some weird growth.
I'm not quite sure what to say here except YEOWZERS!!!

Really? Is there no other picture of you.

The cult of the snake I see.

That's right. We don't need to see your face.

I see you have room for a man in your life.

Party on!