Not quite sure if it will float

Love & Texting

hello again, well am single mum of 2, thts jst lookin for gen guys 2 hav a chat n get 2 no, bn on ere a year n oh boy wot a laff, am a thin attractive gen lass with a good sense of humor, am a busy mum bt do lyk 2 let my hair down 2 with girls bn single 4 years had a few triels,lol, bt no wot am lookin for, maybe as a like single life 2 much who no's, no pervs please sick of sayin dnt do tht kinda chat guys, x

Not Asking for Much

I am a single, free-spirted, web-savvy thirtysomething female. Living in the gorgeous Caroll Gardens for the past year, I love life and am only looking for a man who is not an idiotic pig-headed beer-swilling moron (which seems to be hard to find in this city). This is my final plea to the Craigslist community. I own my own internet business which means I don't get to leave the house much, but I do know the internet and its dating potential. So far it has let me down every single time. I've done MySpace, Facebook, Match.Com, eHarmony, and even Jdate (I'm not Jewish and don't care about Israel). Don't get me started on Jdate. But with so many people out there, at least ONE guy can match this. I know he's out there. My standards are exacting, but they're not too much to ask. Life is too short to compromise yourself! Here is what I am looking for. It's not much. If you're this guy or know this guy, have him contact me right away.

-non smoker
-must love cats and be open to the idea of future adoptions
-must not be more than one to five stops away from Carroll Gardens F train in either direction
-must not be opposed to wicker furniture
-must be 420 friendly
-must clean up hair from the tub after a trim, a ring of hair around the edge is GROSS
-past bar tending/table-serving experience a plus but not necessary
-some knowledge of vintage wine
-must be fluent in 2 languages (English DOES NOT count); I still like to practice my French from study abroad
-toilet paper must go over, NEVER under, when placed in dispenser
-PUT the lid DOWN. Animals have better manners than most men
-no stockbrokers, unemployed musicians, actors, or baristas
-no ravers, goths, punks, or rude boys
-musical taste must include, but not be limited to, Kingston Trip, Buffy Sainte-Marie, and Judy Collins
-name must not begin with an R, a J, or a B (Js are negotiable; Rs are not. Bs should consider that if they treat a cat nicely, it will respond accordingly; but if you scare it by approaching too fast, of course it will attack)
-must like scented candles (not vanilla); no incense
-must be willing to pay for dinner at least once a week at a Zagat-rated restaurant after proper research and scouting of restaurant
-must own more than 3 items from ?The North Face? jacket line but no more than 5
-owning a car is a plus, but it can't be a hatchback (some standards)
-I ski one weekend a year, so you ski. No shredders.
-must love Gary Larson, and hate Dilbert
-passionate about animal rights, but willing to take in the circus when it comes to town
-must read at least 3 books a month, no comics unless Gary Larson
-must have read complete works of Jane Austen
-must know how to turn a Word document into a PDF
-must be on T-Mobile for Fave 5 access-must love pinball and not play ping pong
-3 out of your 5 favorite movies should be John Hughes films
-must agree to watch "The Hills" on MTV on Sundays but hate that bitch Heidi, she is everything wrong with womankind
-must know CPR and have current certification, ++ for SCUBA certification
-must be home from 2-6pm on Saturdays to receive packages; bonus points if you're an Ebay power seller too!
-NO FELONS!!!
-must have all limbs, no quads (not biased, just poor past experience)
-Ivy League education desirable, but Amherst, UPenn, Colgate, Vassar, Georgetown etc. acceptable
-must have Scrabulous installed on Facebook during work hours
-must prefer dark chocolate over milk; no omnivores
-must like North-Eastern microbrews, NO COLORADO, NO EXCEPTIONS
-no corduroy pants, jackets, shirts, socks, caps, etc. And while we're on the subject of hats, no hats at all. Having a hat as part of your job costume is not an excuse.I know the guy for me is out there.

I've come so close to finding him in perfect form so many times. If you are this know or know this guy, PLEASE contact me. I am willing to make a few sacrifices, but not many. If you see yourself in even a FEW of my specifications, you are invited to apply. Think of it more like a guidebook to my heart. ~M

The "F" Word

Seeking a PGILTF

Which, as you may know (but probably don't since someone has just made it up!) stands for Passionate Guy I'd Like to F--. And of course when I say F---, I mean. . . F--- as in Form a Lasting Relationship. F--- as in Forge an Intimate Partnership. and mostly. .. . F--- as in Fall In Love. What did you think I meant by F---? (Oh well, maybe that too.) I can't help it. Maybe it's because I'm passionate myself but I have a thing for passionate guys that makes me want to F--- them. Well not all of them. Really I'm looking to Forge, Form and Fall (once again, see above. That's what I mean by F---) with just one. To achieve that perfect F---, it would help if my passionate guy was smart, literate, witty and loving as am I. At least aware of culture and creativity as am I. And rugged as am. . .of course I'm not rugged, more like 5"2" and curvy, and appealing in a mature but smartcityoutgoing sort of way. Anyway, if you're a passionate guy clever enough to have gotten past the shock of my approach to discover the soul of this message, please do respond with your photo (sorry, no photo, no reply). And I will reply with a picture of myself in kind. Together we could be F---ing amazing.

Seeking bearded, overweight hipster

i realize this is kind of a specific request, but hey, it never hurts to go for what you want. i read this description of north american hipsters, and thought, "you know, that's actually the sort of guy i'm into." should i feel weird that my ideal dude can easily fit into a hilarious stereotype? maybe, but i'm going with it.

"Identification: Like a baby bird who has fallen from the nest, a twee twit is simply too soft and gentle for this world. He cannot abide bright colors or harsh materials, so he is usually swaddled in soft, pastel sweaters and corduroy pants. He might have a beard, because shaving is far too scary, and stubble is like sandpaper against his delicate features. He is mumbly and soft-spoken, but he doesn’t mind being unintelligible; he wouldn’t want to impose upon you unduly by putting forward an idea. He’s a cat person. He’s almost too much of a feminist to tolerate the act of sexual intercourse. He’s had the same girlfriend for eight years, and he doesn’t mind the fact that she’s gained a little weight. They throw the nicest dinner parties.

"Musical Taste: The twee twit mainly enjoys mellow post-shoegaze in which nothing much happens, gentle American indie-rock in which nothing much happens, and unobtrusive indie-hippie-folk in which nothing much happens. Too much distorted guitars or non-whispered vocals instantly melt these guys. Sigur Rós has some really nice songs, but sometimes they get a little too raucous.

"How to Tame a Twee Twit: Give him a hug, or bake him some cookies. If you meet him in a record store, say “boy, I wish all Pavement songs sounded like ‘Here.’” "Benefits of Friendship: Twee twits are pretty much guaranteed to be nice, reliable, steadily employed, and inoffensive. They don’t mind packing a little bit of a paunch, so they’ll be willing to eat greasy diner food with you at 4 in the morning without bitching about gaining an ounce.

"Drawbacks of Friendship: Two words: Belle & Sebastian. There’s no escaping the fact that these guys like boring, boring music, and they’re going to get uncomfortable if you blast any crunk in your car (and why even have a car if you can’t blast crunk in it?) If his girlfriend dumps him, you will have to see him cry, and his tears and snot will get all in his beard." ...so if you feel a kindred spirit with that stereotype, please, feel free to message me. we can drink imported beer, be all ironical, watch movies that are way over our heads, give each other mix tapes (TAPES for real, i just bought a 7-pack of maxwell 90 minute tapes at cvs), write embarrassing letters, drunkenly make out, go bowling, cry, whatever. i shop at thrift stores but pretty much only buy shoes and doofy home accessories. i used to have a short, cute haircut, but i'm growing it out and it's in that floppy in-between stage. i have horrible taste in everything. i'm also extremely lazy, which is why i'm ending this ad now. p.s. you don't actually have to be bearded, overweight, or hipstery. just have that general aesthetic (ie "indie rock and diners" over "club beats and date raping drunk chicks")

p.p.s. this is the worst personal ad i've ever written. that should give you an idea of the type of effort i'm willing to put forth. hope to hear from you soon!

Let me know how this turns out

I would tell you that I'm sweet, but I'm not...

LOCATION: Minneapolis

I am not like any other girl... I truly want a man who wants to take care of me. Now, please understand that I am not a Gold-digger and I don't need you to take care of me. I simply want a man who wants to do it just because. In return I will will brighten your life with my optimism, boost you with loyalty, trust you blindly and shower my affection on you. I will definitely encourage you to see dreams and help you in making them come true!

Just Average

Keep your supersized genitalia, washboard abs and hyperactive stamina away. Don't even send me a pic of your penis.

I'm a pretty enough woman, a little extra padding now bikini season is over. I'm not waxed like a barbie doll or some deep throating goddess so move on if that's what you're looking for.

Let's just do it like an old married couple alright (however if you're married or in a committed relationship of any sort, don't bother me. If you've ever experimented with men, I'm also not interested).

I lie there maybe watch the tube. You stick it in, suck my nipples and get your rocks off. Then we both fall asleep without talking and maybe do it again in the morning... maybe. Could be a regular thing.

If this interests you and you're between the ages of 35-50, send me a message that doesn't make you seem like some sex crazed horndog, brain damaged, or both.

Yeah this is going to work.

Do you wanna be my first boy friend in VA. I live in VAB. Single black woman , no kids ,do not smoke, I'm 5' 6", 120 Ibs ,I like music, movies.

Include this when contacting me.your height ,weight, your occupation, smoke or non smoke, drink or don't drink, have kids or no kids.

I wanna know every thing about you.

Looking for something different

Hello guys!! I'm an attractive, exotic lady in her early 40s. Professional, educated, with a great personality. I look young for my age, take care of myself, work out on a reg basis. I have a gorgeous set of long brown hair, height-&-weight proportionate... I am sweet & affectionate, if we click! I like talking, kissing, going slow... initially ... until I get to know you more.

**Looking for an HONEST SWM who is fit/athletic, professional, educated, active and likes to have fun! Here's my "problem"... I am great in bed & I do have a high sex drive... if you are open to having a relationship with me - being that I have another relationship but nothing very serious right now. I see him on occasion, once or twice a week. We are both clean, been together exclusively for many years. He is open to this idea of me having another "exclusive" relationship, so this is not a problem...

If you are OPEN to this kind of set up, let me know & tell me why you think you would be the BEST candidate for this. I am definitely a catch & I will only consider someone who is mature, gainfully employed/successful & sweet/considerate. Most of all, if you can consider this as that "exclusive" thing between us at least in the interim, that would be great. Our health should be first & foremost so that we can look forward to a long life, enjoying intimacy even at an older age in the decades to come. Hey, I'm just being realistic! Lol ;-)

If you think this is something you can consider, send me a pic & tell me about yourself. Please be HONEST & tell the truth from the very beginning. I have worked in the IS field & I will find out quickly if you are lying... So let's do this right right from the start... Okay?

Just a NOTE: If you have pets I'm allergic to cats & dogs, don't force me to ride your bike/Harley, & clean-cut/military is a plus! [no facial hair] Let's see where this thing will lead us. I look forward to hearing from you! :)

WoW Dating

Sorry I was unable to embed the video here so just click here for it.

If it's Not Scottish

Engrish is my language of love

Hello hello hello. I am young and noninhibited. I look sort of like the devil. Blonde and luxurious, with thighs look like toothpick. My interests include motorcycle. Are you the right man for me?
Do you enjoy dressing up in police costume? Are you close to my age and live nearby? Do you LOVE to get messages on your back and shoulder after a hard day at work? Please write back to me. My ideal date is somewhere long ago. Castles! and princesses!!!! If you want a real princess, send me an email!

If you send me a picture of your penis then I will erase right nowand vomit. No please!!!!! Also, if you cannt rate yourself at least 85/100 in terms of how you rate yourself, don’t answer.
I am looking for education and jokes.TALL not fat. Not skinny ears.

Please do not disappoint. I want to fall in love by this beatiful ocean. Please love dog cat racoon iguana hamster& gerbil because I have several.

This is Ulysses S Grant. Please love greal heros of this great country, and of my country too!

Noodles!!

Say What?

hey, whats good? am a young atrractive lady, who is very down to earth, loving and caring person who thinks that loyalty and honesty r important things in everyday life.people has let me down too many times in realationships so am not lookin pro`s of playin girls around. yea am seeking sum of that thug passion too, wit a little spark in d eye. looking for a independent man, who can hold it down for me. and doesent be afraid to take jump offs too.if u are looking for a lady who is down to ride for better or for worse am the one u r looking for. the reason why i dont have pic at my profile is that am a bit camera shy, but i dont favor a cookie monster well if u think u r the man am looking for hit me up with a line,am all ears. p.s. u must b also very sexual person,cos i like to spend much time under covers(though,first i have to find the right person),and am good at what am doing so prepare. so drop me a line and get to meet me in person ha,ha. well , till then`arivederdci! yours truly. ND GUYS: AM MORE THAN A DIME,BUT HARD TO HANDLE, IF U THINK U CAN ,HOLLA AT YA GIRL! PEACE ND LUV

Way too much info

{Yes this is the actual picture}

About Me
My name is Liz. I run away from my problems.I eat my feelings, luckily my emotions always taste good. I stray far from home; I keep a wardrobe in my car.I refuse to wear pants, skirts, or shorts. I stick to leggings.I'm extremely flexible. I wish I was a contortionist. But, I'm too much of a chub for that. I'm happy with my size, because it is paired with a great pair of knockers.I went to culinary school, but now I'd like to own a sex shop.I'll never return phone calls. I hate the phone that much.I have a hard time writing people back on here. As a vegetarian, I'm gassy. Be prepared.I am not a member of PETA.I generally will only rent from Family Video: Tarantino, porn, or children's movies.I do not have kids. I support pro-choice.Now, with that said. I like music a lot. Mostly I enjoy metal, but I also listen to alternative and classic rock.I love to read Burgess, Burroughs, and Orwell. I will never put down a good book, I finish it even if it takes me through hours of reading.Movies you say? Directors, I say. Tarantino, Miike, Kubrick, Cronenberg,and Rodriguez

Lone Wanderer seeks her Charon

I know this is strange but the heart continues to want what it wants.

In short, I'm a 25 year old female who's sustained some pretty harsh injuries and I'm going stir crazy. I've traveled the world as a drifter/hitchhiker, I'm currently a working musician, writer and dog trainer. I also have a degree in veterinary technology. I'm slightly insane but perhaps in a good way. Um...chaotic neutral, eager to please and have had a ridiculously eventful life. This down time is hard for me. Someone recently likened me to Harold and Maude all in one package and I that sounds about right. I look a little like a Raider I suppose.

You: Charon from Fallout 3. Yes, you read that right. You are a gigantic, deceptively stoic ghoul bodyguard. Someone who can stay in character well and satisfy the strange compulsion/crush I continue to have have on that damned ghoul. Someone who is creative enough to characterize him and suspend my disbelief again. I find myself only able to speak to someone who's fronting as this character. I don't open up easily and I just...don't get it either. If you are suffering from boredom and can roleplay this character well, there is a good chance I can help you with that boredom. I don't seem to get tired of this.

So. I have your contract and our time in the Wastes was short. You're still in DC and I, your "employer" am here only accessible via remote terminal. The employer/Charon relationship would be strictly instant messenger/email and possibly phone but only if you can do the voice really well. Maybe it will remain civil and friendly, maybe it will turn into something a little more adult. It usually does. I'd prefer something frequent and long term if possible, with room for progression into something different maybe.

Before receiving a batch of pointless, off topic emails, I feel I have to add this: All messages that clearly don't get what I'm asking for here will simply be ignored and deleted. Do not send me your photo or your stats! Your height, weight, race, etc are irrelevant because you are actually a cranky, sexually repressed, 6'8 irradiated manservant from the Underworld. Someone over 25+ would be preferable. That is my only stipulation but it is not a hard limit. It seems that spelling and grammar improve with age is all. Good spelling and grammar are an absolute must!

I had an excellent Charon before but he...vanished and I find myself sadly looking for a replacement. I need a rebound Charon in case he doesn't come back...although I am still hoping he does. Getting my heart broken by an NPC is something I'll add to the vast list of things I've experienced that make me keep writing music.

Here's hoping you're out there. Please message me in character. This is important.

I will make it worth your while!

probably not going to find you

30.........female.......I like to drink and I smoke when I drink.......I have been dumped 3 times in the last 3 years........so something is wrong. I do have a full time job............I am a cool lady....but no one seems to get me.....hit me up if you are sick of the scene...............

Seeking Carpenter Ken AKA Ken with a Power Tool

The only thing missing from my life is a great guy with a fabulous torso who wants to come over and work on my house. He wouldn’t live here as he would have a mansion of his own and a job where he magically makes oodles of money. In addition to making oodles of money and keeping up his six pack, he would maintain three cars: a fully restored classic, a car he is currently restoring and a fabulous fast sleek sexy car with great air conditioning.

He would also have lots of time to come over to restore my car, change my oil (while I watch, sipping iced tea with an umbrella in it), clear out my rain gutters, replace my termite-eaten siding, pour a new slab out back, fix the garbage disposal and train my dogs.

While doing this he will always look crisp and clean and hot (but not sweaty). He will immediately sense whenever I begin to feel hungry and will magically change into sexy-night-out-Ken and take me to a fabulous dinner.

Unlike the plastic Ken*, I would prefer him to have nicely proportioned and well hung genitals which I may or may not play with.

*The term "kendoll" refers to the shrinkage of the male genitalia do to cold water or a fearful situation. Such intense shrinkage occurs that the package resembles that of a Ken doll.

I want all this so that I can be in bed by 10pm, reading my book or my magazine or whatever I want to read. At 6am I can get up and go for a run (without my dogs since Ken will be walking them daily), come home, shower, make myself breakfast (Ken doesn’t cook), eat, slowly drink my tea and spend 2 hours writing the screenplay that I started 3 years ago and never found time to finish.

After this time I will go to work on thinking of more things for Ken to do.

In the afternoon, I would like to go for a hike to avoid the loud annoying noises Ken makes while he mows my lawn, trims my trees and saws and drills that new sun portch. When I get home I will vacuum (Ken doesn’t clean) and then Ken will take me to dinner.

Afterwards, he will drop me off in one of his awesome cars, kiss me good night, and I will be in bed by 10pm.

On Friday nights or whenever I want to, Ken will take me after dinner to his mansion where we will spend two hours in his massive master suite in his Ken sized bed. Once I am satisfied, I will fall asleep (by 11pm) and Ken will go sleep in the guest room with the frilly curtains because I can’t sleep sharing a bed. When I wake up in the morning, Ken will return to service me just before his maid comes in with breakfast on a tray (fresh fruit, yogurt and toast for me). The maid will have a fabulous cleavage that I will feel no shame at staring at but all in all she will be obviously just a little less hot that me.

On Saturday, Ken will take me to some romantic spot that I have never been and will have hidden away somewhere a nice cold bottle of champagne or some beers which he will produce at just the right moment. He will also magically produce peppered brie cheese, crackers and fruit (preferably organic berries).

Then he will return me to my house so I can write, read and think while he shops for furniture.

Another Slob Here

Oh, sure. I can call myself a "BBW" (big beautiful woman) like others who resort to euphemisms. But the truth is more simple. Precisely like these other women, I am a slob. A butter hog. A tub of lard. I eat way more calories that I expend, I have rolls of fat throughout my body, and I'll demand that you accept me just as I am.

Despite my amazing combination of righteousness and lack of appeal, and a certain sour smell "down there," I'll also make a point of saying I won't respond to you if you're only interested in sex. Like anyone really wants to screw a hippo like me!

But I'm also compassionate. Meaning: You're free to send me a photo and tell me all about your wonderful self, like I'm in any position to judge your worthiness. You'll do this because you're desperate enough to fuck a hog like me. Who's the real loser here?

Oink, where's my slop?

Sweet Maverick seeks Commitment-Minded Professor or Researcher

If you accept that I am an intuitive and unconventional soul of high integrity; if you accept that I cannot march but to the beat of my own drum, you may be a good fit to become my best friend and life partner.

Since I have been surrounded by brilliant academics all through my life, I know for sure that they are my best match. A slightly Bohemian, unattached, monogamous and spiritual scholar would be my ideal counterpart.

My exes are academics as well, and I did help them a lot in editing their articles and keynote speeches.

Words like casual dating, instant gratification and one-night stand are entirely missing from my dictionary. If you live by different rules, you are reading the wrong ad.

I am a lot of women in a woman. Everything you have gone through in Life, I went through ten times worse and ten times longer.

However, instead of surrendering my fate to priests, doctors, lawyers, gurus, MBAs and other consultants, I joyfully connect to the Inner Light of my own Soul. That makes me one of a kind and keeps me young.

As the only Eastern-type mystic in a European Judeo-Christian family of left-brain governed, high-profile intellectuals, I consider myself unique.

Although my peers, friends and family views me as someone whose thinking is a few sigma from the median, we love each other endlessly; that is all what counts.

When my parents first brought me back from the hospital in early spring, our courtyard became full of blooming yellow roses. This is a rare occurrence in my home country, so a relative of ours sought out for a Rebbe to decipher this coincidence.

We learnt from the holy man that I came to this planet to manifest the qualities of Tiferet, the Sacred Heart of the Tree of Life. (Wiki has a good explanation).

Later on in my life, the same Rebbe agreed to teach me the basics of Kabbala / Zohar at times and in a country where this mystical knowledge was forbidden to females. Let alone goyishe kups!

I cannot take ANY credit for my verbal dexterity, astuteness and general mind power. It comes directly from my Dad. I inherited my teaching talent from him as well. Although he should have been a stand-up comedian, he was a top academic instructor of his field until he moved on to do other things.

My converted Catholic Mum is fully responsible for the pragmatic streak in me.

My polyglot grandparents passed on some genes to have a decent working knowledge of at least half-a-dozen languages.

My former professors and my family will forever resent the fact that in spite of the top grades I got, I decided not to continue on with a Ph.D. in cognitive neuroscience.

The world may have lost a bright scholar, but humanity may have gained a humble servant with a compassionate heart. I feel I fulfill my soul purpose better as a performer of random acts of kindness and senseless beauty. (I do them in secret; that is pretty much the only secret I keep�)

Like a typical only child, solitude is my bliss and being self-sufficient is my middle name; however, my EQ score did not fall in my lap. Loneliness and/or boredom are unknown to me.

My close friends tell me that I am much like Madonna. I do admire her discipline, determination and her willingness to change perpetually. I also have a special connection with dance (classical ballet). However, I used to be cast in shows with spiritual themes.

Choreographers recognized early on that my body and artistic expression is well suited to express and transmit powerful female energies (i.e. Shiva�s wives, Tara, Celtic goddesses, Pocahontas and the like).

I can compose faster than most people talk, but I probably reached the point of no return as it comes to an average human�s focus of attention.

As I end this message, I genuinely thank you for reading this missive. I believe it is not a coincidence that you read it. Allow me to send you love in this moment. We know that time is an illusion, right?

-Tiffy

Reasons why I should be your girl: The punk/alternative edition.

LOCATION: Cleveland

I'm sick of dating insipid, ungrateful assholes. I'm not going to spew a bunch of bullshit like other ads saying that "OMG I NEED A REEEALL MAAN WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF MEEE". Truth is, I'm in college, you're (hopefully) between the ages of 18-23, and probably don't have a 9 to 5 white-collar job with a 401k that pays enough for you to drive your badass porsche. And you know what? That's fine with me.

Anyway. Onto the whole "reasons" portion of my ad. I will give it to you in list form because that seems better than assaulting you with a wall of text.

1. I am smart enough to use big words in appropriate situations.
2. I have a mohawk. A fairly large mohawk, a few piercings, and can sport a pretty unpleasant scowl when necessary. no one's going to fuck with you if they see your girlfriend's some punkass bitch that could probably curbstomp their head in, right?
3. I am a legit bisexual, I've dated girls before. That means I've been on your side of this whole "relationship" thing. I am not going to try and imprison you with my compulsive girly insecurities. I'm not going to make you stop hanging out with your friends or prevent you from going to shows. I won't even tell you to stop guzzling nasty PBR or to put that fatass joint down long enough to have a coherent conversation. And I'm certainly not going to bitch about it to my other lady friends behind your back (unless you fail to share said fatass joint with me.)
4. I am well-read. I am very familiar with most pop-culture references (especially ones that deal with retro shit- my specialty.) so on the off chance that you're sober enough to drop some laugh-inducing reference to a terrible 80's move you saw when watching TNT the other day, I WILL ACTUALLY GET IT.
6. I love movies. I love HORROR movies, and the older/low-budget they are, the better. I think films such as Braindead, Army of Darkness, or Nekromantik are fucking hilarious. That means that you won't have to worry about spending precious money on movie theater dates, because chances are, I already bought/legally obtained that shit. The only exception would fall under Rocky Horror midnight showings.
7. I can sew and paint. That means I can make awesome patches of your favorite crust bands, then sew them onto your totally awesome punk rock jacket for you. I can also do deathrock, anarcho, and most psychobilly logos, too.
8. Remember the bisexual thing? I'm not going to bitch when you remark about how Kat Von D/Bettie Paige/Patricia Day/[insert other pinup model name here] is totally bangin'. In fact, I'll most likely agree with you and then continue painting the Crass symbol onto the back of your favorite black t-shirt.
9. I'm loyal. Do you know how hard it is to come accross a guy like you? Of course you don't. So if you really are the one-in-a-million, smart, funny, attractive, punkass shithead that I'm looking for, I will not be looking elsewhere. I promise!
10. I can cook anything for you, as long as a microwave is involved at some point.
11. Are you computer retarded? No problem. I pretty much rule at computers and can probably fix it for you! How useful is that?!
12. I enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke. Being a smoker isn't a necessity, but if you do smoke, that's pretty damn hot, so I'm not going to bitch at you to quit.
13. I am impressed by the little things. You don't have to buy me shit to make me happy. You don't have to clean up nice and take me out to a semi-fancy restaurant. You can continue to spit on the ground, make sarcastic remarks about how society "conforms to generalizations created by capitalist pigs", and laugh about skull-fucking dead babies. Being yourself is good enough. Just be able to come around and see me every once in a while, k?

Hope that covers everything. If I'm the sort of classy broad that's worth your time, please feel free to message.