Ranting is the Best Way to Get Someone

GOOD GRIEF WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN!?

LOCATION: Norfolk

A sane, SWM 30-40 who is fit and fun..........is that just too much to ask for? Just athletic and maybe hold an intellectual conversation. I am fun, athletic with a lot of energy. Can anyone hang???? I love sex so this is not an issue......where are you men if any are left out there. Or are all of just players...and by that I mean you cannot seem to hang with one sexy woman at a time and believe me I am not looking to get married.....heavens no, but grief are you all looking to date as many women as you can at one time? I am really curious how it all works today! I completely love sexy military men, but there is this stereotype that comes with a military man......that you are all dogs! I refuse to believe that stereotype, but you continue to prove everyones point.......CAN SOMEONE PLEASE PROVE THE STEREOTYPE WRONG!

Picture Imperfect

As usual sex sells.

You're on a dating site why?

I really don't want to know.

There's probably a story to why you are on the pool table.

Sex still selling.

Grabbing your breasts always makes the guys pick you.

This is an actresses picture although I can't remember who.

Woman seeks Man for Manly Duties

LOCATION: Cincinnati

I would like a man to perform some duties that have become beholden to him through generations of selection, and to a lesser degree, racism, sexism and plain stupidity. Here's what I need. I need a man, first and foremost, to get my damn car out of the snow. There's only one of me. I need someone to push it and by "it" I mean car. You can say, "crank it!" or maybe "gun it!" or "that's my FOOT, goddammit!" Seriously I need groceries. Oh. Also I need a tune-up. On the car. I can help, I will purchase the air filter and flushing fluid or whatever. Now, other things I need you to do include some simple patchwork on my walls. Then you'll need to paint of course. I mean, I could do this I guess, but see I lack the tools and this just would be a nice gesture on your part. Also I'm going to need furniture and its subsequent arrangement. You are the perfect candidate what with your higher muscle to fat ratio. Remember to lift with your knees, hon. Also the bathroom is pretty gross. It needs to be finished since my man-boy landlord figure is as useless, as say, the elder Rocky Balboa, electric toothbrushes (are you really so lazy you find the task of rotating toothbrush in circular manner yourself daunting?) and WalMart. I don't currently have anyone whose ass needs to be whooped, but we will work on that. I'd expect no less of you than to fly into a jealous mad rage for my dubious honor. I'd be mad at first but then secretly delighted. I'd also like a man to be more knowledgeable about alcohol than I am. I don't drink that much. But I enjoy it and I don't know what to order. You may NOT take advantage of this arrangement by sitting bourbon in front of me, repeatedly, and letting me drink it because if I didn't it would be wasted. You know how I hate waste. But I also hate dry-heaving and sleeping with my contacts in. I need someone with whom I can purchase a house. You can store your wall patch, metric wrenches, and girly mags (frown) in it and I will store myself and collection of houseplants. I can't justify buying a house myself. And certainly the steps would be crooked or door mishung and there are limits, as mentioned previously, to my supreme handiness. You can have a workshop and I want a large bathtub surrounded my mysterious feminine products subtly reminding me that my wa-hoo is dirty and thus I am not worthy of love/validation. I think we should get some cats. While I have a computer, obviously, it is probably laden with viruses and insecure and god knows what else. I bet you can fix this. I'd also like decent speakers through which to broadcast woxy, wnku, and npr. Really anything with letters. If you are unfamiliar with these broadcasts, please exit stage right and slip on the ice immediately. In return, I perform Womanly Duties that have become beholden to me through generations of selection, and to a lesser degree, racism, sexism, and plain stupidity. They include: being more socially and environmentally conscious than you generally speaking, eating healthy (and making you eat healthy too), being passive-aggressive instead of directly communicating, complaining that you are too sensitive, witholding sex in case of argument, and perhaps bearing your offspring. Things I don't do that women may typically do include shopping (except food and your ass is coming to the farmers market too), asking you about my ass, and talking excessively. Things I find unacceptable but could possibly turn my head if performed your Duties include excess. Such as excessive smoking, excessive gaming, excessive masturbation, excessive TV, excessive leaving your dirty socks/dishes strewn about, really excessive anything. Things you find unacceptable but could possibly turn your head might include: negativity (working on it), thrift (not working on it), excess sarcasm (see previous statement). Also I only really shave during the summer and then only knee-length. Frequently the hair on my head is just out of control. I except that your bad habits will influence me and shorten my life span and my good habits will influence yours and lengthen your life span. Nonetheless, you will die before me and then I'll have to post on Craigslist again. Until then I look forward to your replies which either praise me or tell me to go fuck myself.

Sincerely, Me

Seeking Hentai Fan

LOCATION: Vancouver BC

The guy (or maybe guys, who knows) I'm looking for watch(es) a LOT of hentai. You have a very high sex drive and watch hentai most days, if not every day. You often find yourself getting off watching hentai more than once in a day. Some days you get off several times. The only thing that you think would make your hentai watching experience better is if you had a pussy to fuck while you watched. Not a fake one, a girl who wants you to give it to her good while you watch your favourite hentai. To be clear you don't want to have sex with a girl INSTEAD of watching hentai, you just want her pussy instead of your hand WHILE you're watching. Well, I'm your girl. I'm a petite girl, slim with long red hair and brown eyes. The plan: We spend a day together, probably a full 8 hours or so. I spend the entire day either naked or wearing a short skirt and no panties as you prefer. You spend the day playing video games, watching anime (whatever it is you'd like to do) and watching hentai as often as you feel inclined. I'll be hanging out close by reading a book. Every time you get turned on you tell me you want sex and tell me whether you want it missionary or doggy style. I put down my book and get into the position you request in such a way that you can still see the hentai you were watching, lubing myself a little if necessary. You put your dick in me, watch the hentai (this is important, no sex without watching hentai), and thrust until you cum. NO foreplay is involved with the exception of a little groping if you wish. You don't need to worry about lasting long or making me cum because the idea is that this is as much like masturbation as possible except you use my pussy instead of your hand because pussies feel better. Experience and penis size are also not important. What IS important though is frequency - you need to be able to do this at least once an hour. This is a very important part of what I want, just a couple times is not enough. There is no maximum amount, you can fuck me as many times as you want within the agreed upon timeframe. To encourage you to do this as often as possible only vaginal penetration is allowed until you've done that at least 12 times at which point you can use my ass if you like. If you think you're the guy I'm describing please send me a message and tell me a little about yourself - hobbies, your favourite anime/games, why you like hentai, whether you've had sex before, what the most you can cum in a day is, things like that - and include a few screen shots of your favourite hentai so I know what you like. A picture of yourself would be nice but it's not mandatory. Also, if you like the sound of this but think you wouldn't be able to have sex that much then I'm open to you and a friend sharing the job.

Don't Work? Won't Call? I might be the girl for you

LOCATION: Washington DC

Well, since I seem to have a very specific type, I'll just lay it out there. I'm apparently really into the shiftless layabouts. If you are unemployed, unmotivated and possibly still live with your parents... you could be next in my long line of failed relationships! Just think of it... an educated woman to show you how things work (hey, I'm even handy around the house - you won't have to raise a finger!). A woman with drive, ambition and goals to contrast your utter lack of motivation. A girl with a thick skin who can roll with the punches and both dish out AND take jokes... I'll be happy to be the one who doesn't sugar-coat things so that you can blame ME for all of your hurt feelings and failures. It's probably even ALREADY my fault and you haven't even emailed me! I am completely co-depedant, so you don't have to worry about me booting you to the curb over petty things (like finances, commitment or general civility). In fact, you could probably take my cash, sleep with another girl and then come over and break some things in my house and I'd just clean it up and continue along our path of destruction. So if you're looking for a lady to use and abuse, I'm your girl! I have a house, a car, a life, friends, pets and my shit together. Please, I need some sort of zeitgeist in my life to screw all of this up! It's been way too long since I've been reminded of how awesome it is to be undervalued. I'm over on minutes this month, otherwise I'd put my phone number up for you to call right away (either from your parents' landline or collect, from jail). So just email me and maybe we can work something out. Pick you up? Well, yeah, if you need me to! Baltimore? No problem. It's only about an hour's drive. I don't mind one bit, I've got nothing but time!

Wanted: Husband

LOCATION: Indianpolis

After too many trips to Home Depot and Lowe's it has become apparent to me that I need a husband. I am currently accepting applications. Suitable candidates should be able to demonstrate proof of the following:
- ability to fix stuff around the house, car repair a major plus - can lift heavy objects without complaining - can offer an opinion on home decorations (but not too vociferously should they differ from my own) - ability to get lid off tough jars/cans of paint/other packaging - ability to carry stuff for me where necessary - high boredom threshold re. multiple trips to Lowe's and Home Depot - high performing "man parts" Ability to carry out minor plumbing and electrical projects, hold a conversation on a variety of topics, some level of social skills, emotional maturity, creativity, interest in culture/politics etc and financial solvency are a plus but not essential. Well, on that last point... I do want a boob job and can't really afford one. Bonus points for: ownership of power tools (and knowledge of how to use them) and suitable transport for necessary purchases.

What you will get is a wife who fits the following description:
- brown hair and eyes, average height, curvy figure - no kids, no drama - relatively intelligent/interesting/attractive - considered to have a somewhat dry sense of humor - raised in the south and has good southern manners - can take me to meet your mom/boss/friends without embarrassment - loves sex and will put you to the test to keep up with her

Please send applications including full relationship history, previous 'fixing stuff' experience, salary details, your social security number, your mother’s maiden name, full medical history, five references, your inside leg measurement and shoe size to the CL email address above. Preliminary interviews will be held in the coming weeks and may include a practical exercise. Previous applicants need not apply.

Seking Arranged Marriage

LOCATION: Tacoma

TO ALL AVAILABLE MEN SO… I’m single, tired of mingling, and looking to get hitched. Thing is, I’m pretty frustrated with the legwork and my solution is to pass the buck on to my parents and let them go ahead and choose for me, the way it was (is) done in the good old days (South Asia). So if you’re a single guy, hoping for marriage and kids (not more than two) in the future, and willing to roll with the punches, let’s get your folks in on this too. Here’s what I’m thinking… You respond to this with your parental contact info, which I will pass along to mine… Then, I figure we can just butt out until the wedding. Let’s let them hammer out the details, investigate compatibility, and argue about a dowry. Me: 26 year old female with a generally positive outlook on life, one salary, three piercings, zero tattoos, one car, one hamster, and one (slightly used) vagina. I’d be willing to consider getting re-virginized if this is a deal-breaker for your family. I’d prefer not to convert to your religion, but I would consider relocation if my travel expenses were covered. Looking forward to the big day. Maybe we’ll meet once or twice before then… I’m leaving that up to my mom.